Its Better to Feel Pain than Nothing at All.

Well hello; if that is not poetic, then what. I will paint a map leading to my heart on the back of your hand; that way when you say; you know this universe like the back of your hand; You'll find me; or maybe when you reach and grasp the sun for warmth and light when your lost and alone; you'll see that map and remember exactly where I am. Is that better? Maybe I live within those walls you vigorously built around your heart to protect yourself from pain. Maybe these same walls you have constructed are the reason the fear will not escape. I am acquainted  to both as close to them as unsuspectingly close I am to you. Please do not give me words. Let your body language speak and listen to my thoughts. What do you know about that? What do you know about restless nights; relentless love; resilient maybes because lately as a matter of fact; I've seen a love so unconditional; scared by conditions. We do not have a choice in whether we get hurt or not in life, however we do have a choice in who hurts us. It's better to feel pain than nothing at all. As fragile as I may be with faults as far as you can see; I choose you. 

Love Letters Lost

I was just thinking

that sinking is related to falling; wait, why I would even mention that is beyond the concepts I could conquer.

Lets just start over,

Could goodbye mean hello; if we never met each other before; only to ponder the point of extraction of that heart you've kept secret for so long. That was too much and I apologize if I came on too strong so,

May we start over?

Hello.

How are you?

Do I ask questions only to make statements. You solemnly swear you saw me staring and dishonesty is not my best trait; I may have looked once or twice, but does that suffice as staring. 

HMM...

I guess; I'm just not the best at this sorta thing; 

Okay;

maybe I glanced more then twice; You caught my eyes; more importantly; you've stolen my soul ever so simply through my mere observations of you. 

Usually;

If this was the usual; I would have walked away by now; I've made a fool of myself enough, but you laughed; You said when is enough actually enough?

Did you mean that out of context?

This is when it happened; and I believe it is still happening.

I

knew from this point; that I had no chance either way. I could desperately distance myself physically from you; but the emotions would never exit that you evoked; and I was just thinking;

Sinking is related to falling;

I will either learn to fly or learn to swim you know but either way;

I will fall or sink

straight

to

you.

I am where the wildest of ones are.

I am where the wildest of ones are

Delinquents. I guess, you know what you feel. This dog is always walking; for how little he is; he must be tired. There are some things you just do not do. You should let me be the crazy one and she has way to many issues to judge. What is the advantage of routine; staying with in the lines. I would rather color blank space, you know; leave the rest up to interpretation. Do you perceive or conceive? Well, I like to do both. That is just awful. That is just dust in the wind. Moments like these; when I meet death face to face; that is when I feel most alive. I hope when death comes a knockin'; The one I love does not need a final phone call; that you know I love you with every ounce of being I have borrowed. That in my future absence; you will feel as alive as the day we first became consumed in each others presence. No matter the present circumstances; the moment is the only place I have ever been able to find you. The rest seems to slip way. The worries, the anticipated events. None of that exist with you. It is hard to explain. Where exactly did the plan backfire. Never was envious of the whole planning thing. The secret is in listening. Doubt your doubts, The solution is everywhere. I think I filed the break up papers some where to prove this. Why are you telling me all this; because when I feel something; I have to express it. That makes perfect sense. The woman I want everything to do with; wants nothing to do with me. That is worse than death itself. To lose the one you love while she is still alive. That is where the whole break up thing gets a bad wrap. The passing of ones emotions. Painful. This is all just contemplation. The girl I know is still in there. Behind the walls of pain and resentment. I'm not sure I made it there everyday, but when I am lost, I know I can find you there. Again. I wonder why these conversations are so out of the ordinary.We bare our soul to music, prayer; and paper. Hardly ever to another human being huh. It's not like we all haven't been in the exact same positions in life; and have not thought the same thing. Fuck the rest of the generation. I just like you. One should mark milestones. Make sure to remain open to the possibilities of love, from everyone; and if you must avoid anything; make sure it is your brain because following your heart; no matter how much hurt you experience; has never led you astray, No matter where you are; I am there, Play it cool. I would rather play it sweet. I know those eyes. The disappointment. The stars I wish to align. That you would have some epiphany that we are supposedly, suppose to be together. That feeling you get when you know someone is looking at her the way you look at her; through the same emotions. It just makes me happy. Even to just think about you. No matter how much grief entails from the memory of you and I. Just thinking about you makes me happy. Maybe I get high in a low place on this particular situation but the truth is that I like to know it is much deeper than that. I generally in the ordinarist of ways; Like You. Well, so much for casual conversation. Inspiring as they may be; does this really change anything. There is no winning in this. That is what most people would say. Getting out of that car is kinda like watching the ending to your favorite movie. You just do not want it to stop because you may never have the chance to see it again. That is where the lines blurred. I am coming with you. That makes me so very happy, but you have to go. Right? Yes. I am sorry. Don't be. I heard freedom is just another expression for I miss you...But; since you are leaving; and this could be the ending to my favorite movie that I may never see again; go and start a revolution; be radical; rebel; catch the fever of a riot and race at the turtles pace. Move slowly as fast as possible. Point fingers as often as you can because sooner or later,(hopefully later rather then sooner) you will have to point at yourself. Go figure. Be in denial, but have faith that your delusional idea will prevail. Pout; just do it alone if you do; and go get your heart torn to pieces so that special someone can glue those pieces back together; preferably without sniffing the glue. Taste the finer fruits of life and lie to everyone because you are scared to experience the truth that you are pretty normal. Pretty; none the less. Don't forget that, but forget everything else and grow an ego so big that it cast its' own shadow. You may learn to yearn for the light then; After that you may learn to not yearn at all. Cry yourself awake and smile yourself asleep. Dream about having a nice family and a small home or do not dream at all. Make the choice by not making the choice. Shoot for the stars and land on the moon. Find love and run! Run as fast and you can but always remember that is where home is. Start an argument, but never accept that it ended a friendship. Live a lot and never die. Legends never do. I mean there are only seven billion smiles on this planet that I know of and all I want is yours. If there is such a thing as luck then I'm lucky you even look in my direction. I guess what I am saying is there are some thing you should never get over. Waiting is the hardest part of getting over; but if you must know; if I get lost while waiting, I pray you are the one that finds me.

A Path we must Walk

Your style sticks with me.

Moments last for eternity, while I utter a stutter because grace is not as gorgeous as your are to me; you hung the stars and painted the moon white, while I just stare. Time escaped; emotions got evoked and they haven 't exited and as much as I try, (which is a lot by the way) I just can not stop thinking about you; yet I will TRY again. My heart knows where home is; ironically, that home has been foreclosed on. The rightful owner has seemed to move on. I hope to somewhere better, but know; you have stolen apart of me and that  should be a felony; at least a foul, penalty under perjury. I hate to harass, but I only ask if there is power in moving on in a hurry. Slow down; doubt is a stepping stone. Some use it as a stairway, others to be alone. You then quizzed a question my way and I wondered; what you were exactly getting at. Poking my pride maybe trying to provide perspective, or redirect a different route because you were starting to filled threatened. Pausing for a second; you could not quite hear a pen drop,but it was quiet. You said the rightful owner of your heart is not I. You said the body owns the heart and that I am just an occupant, otherwise a welcomed guest; and who would have guessed this wisdom wasn't wasted. I took it to love in a moments notice. You Took It To Love? "This heart is on borrowed time", I quote from a wise woman I know. Loves on an eternity borrowed. Touche'. A smile appeared. I knew from this moment; miracles and magic are just pseudonym-an illusion for the ordinary; because ordinarily, I would just point out that when we met, notice how the sparks start to fly, turn into heat, that it was gonna get cute; you and I, but you laughed; and not just for a little bit either, it went on for minutes, out loud; neither could I ever try and stop you, nor would I ever want to. I hang on your every word and would spend the rest of this borrowed time between our hello's and good bye's if you would let me, but lately; that is the last box you would check so I will move with caution, casual to most, but just know, these moments last for eternity and though I will keep walking, there will be pain in every step I take knowing that you may be the one who got away for me; and maybe that was by choice.